By Emma Sargent
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Extra resources for Brilliant parent : what the best parents know, do and say
They mentally rehearse having it already. They think about the consequences of getting it, positive and negative, to themselves and those around them. They make sure that they can take action themselves, and that someone else is not responsible for the action. Let’s take those in turn. Thinking about what you do want, not what you don’t want Our minds can’t imagine ‘not’. QXP:M02_SARG4933_01_SE_C02 22/5/09 14:49 Page 21 Starting with you not in our thoughts. So if we tell ourselves not to do something, we are in fact instructing our mind to think of the very thing that we don’t want.
The fact is, however hard we try, there will still be times when we react emotionally rather than respond rationally. It may be because we are tired, worried or have just been pushed once too often that day. QXP:M03_SARG4933_01_SE_C03 48 22/5/09 14:49 Page 48 brilliant parent Experiences that are charged with emotion are filed as memories in their raw emotional state unless we are able to rationalise them and code them in a more conscious way. It is fine to file away the memories if the emotion is a positive one, and not fine if it is a negative one.
Don’t hold back – make a good long list. Spend a few moments thinking about each point on your list, and what it’s like for you when you are demonstrating that quality, behaving in that way and feeling that emotion. If ‘patience’ is on your list, for example, spend a few moments thinking about what it is like when you are being patient, imagine yourself behaving patiently in a situation and so on. Do this with each point until you have thought through each quality. Make your images vivid – see yourself being the way you want to be, hear yourself and others around you, and feel what it is like.
Brilliant parent : what the best parents know, do and say by Emma Sargent